Naija WASHers

A day before the New Year I had prepared my latest outfit, perfectly tailored to suit my frame by my favourite designer with whom I share a unique relationship, but that is a story for another day. I couldn’t wait to wear my dress and feel beautiful on the very first day of the year. Heaven seemed to smile down at me because I was going to start the year in the Lord’s house. Before leaving the house I took a final glance, admiring my appearance and memorizing the way the dress fit snugly.

I left my home with a deep sense of satisfaction, it was a new year after all; inwardly I felt a strong connection to my creator and looked great on the outside. This year was going to be a bang! I smiled to myself all the way to my destination. Halfway into service I started to experience little nudging from my bladder. What on earth-! No, not now, not today when the entire universe was aligned in my favour. I decided to ignore it, just hold it in till I get home. But it would not let me be. With my rising discomfort, I began to hear voices and realised it was not from the sermon but my bladder spewing different suggestions. Ha! Today is my day and no evil fashioned against my slayness shall prosper! I sat back, happy to have rebuked the call of nature.

Fast-forward to 10 minutes later I shot up from my seat and whispered to my friend. We both got up in search of a convenience. I was unable to walk as fast as my bladder wanted because my ‘slay’ gown only permitted me to walk like a queen. We finally reached the convenience and opened the first door, peeping inside. I quickly drew back in disgust at the sight of the toilet. Old faeces were scattered all over the toilet bowl, and someone had come to relieve themselves, adding to the mounting pile of shit. I opened the next door and found it doubled as a bathroom. There was no bulb in the room and the lighting was poor so I carefully scanned the room and saw some patches where the floor had started eroding. Puddles of stagnant water collected in the eroded areas.  My bladder was speaking louder now, more insistent. I did a quick calculation and weighed my options. Wait till I get home, or find a safe spot in the bathroom to relieve myself. My house was too far. I didn’t trust my disloyal bladder, it had a mind of its own. Immediately the decision was made, I found a dry spot and hurriedly urinated (did my business). As I rose up to go I noticed a wet stain on the hem of my dress. Part of my dress had dipped into the dirty wet patch! How could I go out looking this way? Me that was walking like a queen. And my slay! Oh my slay…

While I was lost in deep musing, my friend’s voice interrupted my thoughts, asking if I was okay. I ignored her, thinking it was my disloyal bladder talking. What a betrayal. What a shame. A wry smile lifted the corners of my lips as a flashback of the theme for the 2018 World Toilet Day “When Nature Calls” came to mind. How apt. What would you do when nature calls and there is no accessible sanitation facility? I heard that voice again, louder and more insistent. It was my friend. She sounded worried. In a voice that didn’t sound like mine I briefly explained the situation to my friend who brought some water to rinse my soiled dress. After rinsing I stepped out of the bathroom and discovered rinsing the garment had spread the wetness to other parts, making it look like I peed on myself! Double dilemma. Obviously I wasn’t going back into the church looking like that. Neither could I walk the long stretch to the car looking like a wet hen. I needed to cover myself. I considered the dainty scarf that barely covered my hair. It definitely wouldn’t do. I looked to my friend and smiled apologetically, because of the request I was about to make. Wordlessly she removed her scarf which she had taken great pains to tie. She hadn’t even taken a picture with it yet. I gratefully collected it and wrapped it round myself, giving me some decency. But my friend did not look very happy relinquishing her head tie. How could I have imagined that just a simple act of nature will turn my first day of the year into a mess? A million thoughts raced through my mind. Do we take these facilities for granted? What would life be without them? Should we even bother if they are available, as long as we have them in our homes? What about maintenance? Who ensures they are always kept neat? Would the experience keep me from going there again? These questions kept my mind busy as I pondered on them during the short drive home.